Swimming in my brain

I know a lot of us go through this; there are just times when I have so much swimming in my brain. I try focusing on only one thing to attempt to resolve it then move on to the next. I guess that is the organizer in me who wants to check off a list. Ok....so my brain isn't a check off or to do list. Why can't it be? So here are the two main items consuming my thoughts.

1. Now that I'm the CMA alumni SF chapter president (oh..how did I agree to this) I need to do two events along with my monthly gatherings that I've been doing for a few years. My first event is planned for this November. I fought with the school to get an account set up for our chapter/event so that the entire financial risk wasn't on me. It took about three weeks for them to approve and set it up and now we only have three weeks to get everyone registered for the dead line date. I've been talking this event up for almost two months and the majority of the alumni know about it, but no one is registering. My "event team" haven't even registered. I'm the only alumni that has. WTH? Sort of ironic that I'd be worried about people procrastinating on registering when I'm a notorious procrastinator.

2. My home/mortgage would be the other big thing swimming in the brain. It's been there for awhile now, but now I'm a year away from the "bomb". For well over a year I've been trying to deal with this and calling the bank. Every time being told there is nothing they can do for me being that I'm so "upside down/underwater" and actually are still making my payments. I even talked to a different financial institution than the one who owns my loan and was told the same thing. That just sounds crazy to me; that I have to stop giving them money for them to talk to or even help me. I've come to a calming place that I will more than likely have to walk away and the credit score I've worked so hard to have will drop. How were any of us supposed to know when we bought that things would go the way they did? And there is no way that my home will go back up to where it was when I bought; it's only worth 40% of what I owe. That's insane. I know I am not alone in being in this position and have friends that have already had to make the choice. I'm blessed right now and am just having to think about it and plan the steps that I will need to take in a year. Over a year ago I was extremely stressed knowing what was ahead and would loose sleep. Now I've come to terms with the reality of things and only loose sleep occasionally (don't get me wrong....it will stresses me out from time to time). I'm trying to refocus on the other side of how I'll come away from this. I need to just surrender to it and see what else lies ahead for me. It could been even more exciting. So much is going to happen right around my 40th birthday. I just feel that it is all going to be an amazing chapter in my life.

Oh no ... see what happens when I actually blog again.