2012 - Not the year I expected

So I just realized I haven't written anything for two years.  Maybe I should start again, but with facebook....you can say what you want to in a sentence or two and move from there.  Easy to low key - be short and sweet with ones life.  But like I say in the subject...2012 was not the year I expected.
So it starts off with me turning 40!!!!  No problems with that.  I've actually liked being 40.  I better feel that way since 41 is a week away. HA!  I decided that I wanted to turn 40 on Kauai and I did.  Kauai has to be one of the most beautiful of the Hawaiian Islands.  I took two more "away" vacation in 2012.  I did my annual Easter trek to Myrtle Beach, SC and spent the week with my dear friends the Goff's and Perkin's.  What made this trip even better was my friend Beth went with me.  (We are already talking about how we are going together again for Easter 2013 - watch out South Carolina).  In October I ventured to the Big Island.  When I planned it I didn't realize I was arriving the same day as the Iron Man race.  I got to see my first Mongoose and Cane spider (both I can live without).  I'm always amazed at how different each Hawaiian island is.  I'm heading to Oahu mid January 2013 to relax and be touristy.
I'm still working for SSAT at the Port of Oakland and with Matson's container ships.  Hard to believe that it has been almost 14 years that I have been doing this.  It is one of those jobs where it kicks your behind on some days, but you can't see yourself doing anything else.  It is where I'm supposed to be and oddly something that I love.
Squeaky is still clinging to me; my co-dependent lil' man.  My being 40 is nothing compared to this darn cat being 19 with a crazy medicine/diet routine.  He drives me nuts, but I can't help myself and love him tons!!!!  He's my cuddle-bug.  I've really taken comfort in his companionship this year.  Which leads me to the most unexpected part of 2012.
In May I was officially diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). I say this not for sympathy or for anyone to feel bad for me, but to own what is my life now. It was a long journey to finally have a "name" for what was going on.  At the end of 2011 I noticed something strange with my vision in my right eye.  I thought it was just time to go to the eye doctor.  Well he saw something, but couldn't figure it out, but it had nothing to do with my actual vision.  I went to a couple other doctors with other tests before finally winding up at a Neurologist.  There is no test for MS; just lots of tests to rule everything else out before saying that is what it is.  I can't believe how many tests I had to do.  But in the end I got my "name" and knew what it was.  To this day really my only symptom is the vision thing and more awareness that it is the central nervous system acting up when I feel some aches/pains.  Other than that....I'm good.  I check in with my "MS team" (Doc and nurse practitioner) often, take a medicine that is supposed to slow/stop any progression and do semi-annual/annual MRIs to check things out.  Just part of my life now and the more I talk about it is my way of owning it and it not owning me.  Now the best part of all of this (that's right there is a best part)....I'm aware of what foods are bad or good for me, I have my favorite all time appliance the Vitamix (best invention!) and I'm doing Pilates.  Oh my.....Pilates is so hard, but so good.  It is really good with challenging my central nervous system and continuing to have control over it.  I am able to do core strengthening movements/things I never thought I'd do.  When I accomplish one of the movements I get so excited and can't help but giggle to myself in class.  Anyway I've given MS too much attention, but I wanted to put it out there to whomever should read this.
I just realized I almost failed to mention my amazing 2012 Oakland A's season ticket holder season.  It was so much fun watching my team.  They are a great group of young guys and Bob Melvin has been a great manager of the team.  Even though it was a short Post-Season for the A's; it was amazing to be part of it and watch them battle it out against the Tigers.  I've been ready for the baseball season to start up again since the last game of the 2012 season.  I love my A's!!!
So with 2012 not being what I expected....I don't think any year that we experience should be expected.
I'm trying to embrace and look forward to what 2013 will bring.  I have to say trying since my planner personality likes to try and take over.  My other challenge is that I don't go two year between writing something in my blog hehehehe - that will have to been seen :)

My 2010 Wrap Up

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

In my efforts to save paper (ok truth I don't have any battery life to unplug my lap top and take my lap top to my printer in the other room which isn't working very well anyway hehehe); I will just blog my 2010 wrap up holiday letter.

The year had a rough start. Screwball passed

away before 2009's holidays so Squeaky and I worked on getting on without her. I debated wither or not to get a new friend for him, but at his age decided it probably wasn't the best thing. So 2010 has been all about him and my little cuddle bug, Squeaky, has kept me company.

I am still a vessel superintendent and the facility security officer at our terminal. In February I will be with SSA Marine for 12 years. I'm amazed with that every day. I am very blessed to have a job and to be working for this company.

I enjoyed 2010 supporting and watching the Oakland Athletics. It was my third year has

a season ticket holder. It has really been a fun hobby for me and a great escape from my work life. We may not have gone all the way, but I am still a faithful A's fan.

I went to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina again for Easter.It has become a great annual tradition. I enjoyed getting away, spending time with my friends, the beach, Easter Service at Wellsprings Church, my timeshare, and getting my 14th tattoo at the same time my friend got his 1st tattoo (no I'm not a bad influence).

This year was my 20th year High School Reunion. So much fun. It was great catching up with people, seeing them after all these years, and hearing where life had taken everyone. I think I enjoyed myself as much as I did since I'm now comfortable with who I am and the path my life has taken. I didn't feel the clicks or like the nerdy band geek that was in high school. I would recommend to anyone to definitely go to their 20th reunion.

In the fall I went to Las Vegas and spent time with

my dear friend from high school and her family. So much fun catching up. I love those friendships you can have that are as if no time has past. While I was there I also spent time with my cousin and his family. It was a great get away filled with friends and family.

To complete my "get away" trips in 2010,

I went with my friend to Safari West in Santa Rosa. It was amazing. There is actually a safari type place with tours and tent cabins to stay in Northern California.

You could hear the animals as you were in

your bed, see giraffes from your door and then when on the jeep tour so many more animals that would come up right to you. It was a lot of fun. Great adventure to end the year with.

Swimming in my brain

I know a lot of us go through this; there are just times when I have so much swimming in my brain. I try focusing on only one thing to attempt to resolve it then move on to the next. I guess that is the organizer in me who wants to check off a list. Ok....so my brain isn't a check off or to do list. Why can't it be? So here are the two main items consuming my thoughts.

1. Now that I'm the CMA alumni SF chapter president (oh..how did I agree to this) I need to do two events along with my monthly gatherings that I've been doing for a few years. My first event is planned for this November. I fought with the school to get an account set up for our chapter/event so that the entire financial risk wasn't on me. It took about three weeks for them to approve and set it up and now we only have three weeks to get everyone registered for the dead line date. I've been talking this event up for almost two months and the majority of the alumni know about it, but no one is registering. My "event team" haven't even registered. I'm the only alumni that has. WTH? Sort of ironic that I'd be worried about people procrastinating on registering when I'm a notorious procrastinator.

2. My home/mortgage would be the other big thing swimming in the brain. It's been there for awhile now, but now I'm a year away from the "bomb". For well over a year I've been trying to deal with this and calling the bank. Every time being told there is nothing they can do for me being that I'm so "upside down/underwater" and actually are still making my payments. I even talked to a different financial institution than the one who owns my loan and was told the same thing. That just sounds crazy to me; that I have to stop giving them money for them to talk to or even help me. I've come to a calming place that I will more than likely have to walk away and the credit score I've worked so hard to have will drop. How were any of us supposed to know when we bought that things would go the way they did? And there is no way that my home will go back up to where it was when I bought; it's only worth 40% of what I owe. That's insane. I know I am not alone in being in this position and have friends that have already had to make the choice. I'm blessed right now and am just having to think about it and plan the steps that I will need to take in a year. Over a year ago I was extremely stressed knowing what was ahead and would loose sleep. Now I've come to terms with the reality of things and only loose sleep occasionally (don't get me wrong....it will stresses me out from time to time). I'm trying to refocus on the other side of how I'll come away from this. I need to just surrender to it and see what else lies ahead for me. It could been even more exciting. So much is going to happen right around my 40th birthday. I just feel that it is all going to be an amazing chapter in my life.

Oh no ... see what happens when I actually blog again.

It's been a year

What a blog slacker I've been. I saw that my time I posted was Aug. 9, 2009. I see how my friends have so much to share on their blog and I love reading them, but who wants to see hear what a single chick really had to say. I guess when I look at it - I have this blog for me, to remember times in my life and to share things that are on my mind. So here I am typing my first post in a year. Go figure. I have gone through some of my friends' blogs and see that they are not posting as much as they did in the beginning too.

I've only gone on one away vacation and it was amazing and I'm looking forward to going again in 2011. I so look forward to my Easter Myrtle Beach, SC vacation.

I'm feeling speechless right this minute, but needed to document something - post something. Now if I can make it not a year in between posts...that will be the goal.

Alaska

I'm sorry for not keeping up with this. I said I'd write about my Alaska vacation when I got home and well....have just flaked. It's been a couple weeks since I got home. It was a great vacation. I think my friend's and I had figure out that it had been three years since I'd been up there. The place is still as beautiful as ever.

This year we went camping in Valdez. It was sunny the first day, but then the rain came. And did it rain. We camped for 4 nights and would relax, fish (the kids mainly) and wonder around Valdez. I had a lot of fun with my friends. I've missed them so much. It was great to see how much their kids had grown.

When we came back from camping in Valdez; I spent a couple days visiting with various friends that I had not seen in years. It was awesome to see where life had taken them, catching up and meeting their kids.

One of the highlights of my trip was getting to watch three brown bears in the creek. I believe it was a mom and her two cubs. At one point the mom and one of the cubs wondered off into the trees and the other cub stayed behind playing with a sandbag that he had found in the creek. It was amazing and fun to watch.

It was a great vacation and so nice to spend time with people that I love dearly.

I just had to share one of my favorite pictures from my trip. I was just taking a photo of the fishing boats and I happened to capture a bird in flight centered in my photo. There is no way I could have planned it.

Life

Well not much has been going on since my last post. Life has kept me busy with work, going to baseball games and spending time with friends. Right now I am on vacation for the next two weeks and will be leaving for Alaska in a day or two. I've finally met with the Academy and am putting together the information about our 15 year reunion. I'm really hoping for a good turn out and am looking forward to seeing/catching up with everyone.

I thought I should post something on this since I am now working on a second blog that is just for our alumni class. I will email that out to everyone I have an email address for from the Class of '94. This way we can try and see what we want as a class and what is all planned for us.

I will post again on this one when I get back from Alaska about that trip and with pictures.

"Lord I'm amazed by YOU"

I was telling a good friend of mine about how strange this past week had been with a number of people (men) from my past coming back into my life at random. As the words were coming from me it dawned on me that it was HIS work, HIS hand in it all. I had been so blown away by it all and just thought this had been a crazy/random week. But reflecting on it, just stopping - taking a breath; it was HIM showing me that HE had been listening and reminding me how amazing HE is.

For the past couple weeks I've been feeling down and lonely. I'll admit that there are times when being single gets to me. I look forward to the day when I am in a relationship/married. I definitely don't want to be in just anything so that I'm not single. But being single does take its toll on me.

Last week three different men from my past (all friends from when I was at the Maritime Academy) came back into my life. Each one of them has played a large part in who I am and have always meant more to me than I think I could ever tell them or than they ever knew. One of them as been there through the years, but not consistently (long distance sort of thing). He was my very best friend and really helped me get through school/life. Another one has always been in and out. We've always had a strange friendship - love/hate brother/sister kind, but it has meant a lot to me and has made a huge impact. Lastly the one who I looked up to - he was the older brother type. I never thought I'd hear from him again and then there he was. And to think he has lived near the same area as I have all these years. They are amazing men who I cherish and will always have great love for. Two of them have great wives and wonderful children. I get so much joy from seeing how life has turned out for them.

So here I am amazed by GOD and how HE fills my heart and takes away that loneliness. Sure it isn't what I had thought was missing or needed. Isn't that how it always is.

Sunday at church we sang "Lord I'm amazed by YOU, Lord I'm amazed by YOU and how YOU love me." It just reaffirmed it all. When I had started too sink into "my world"; HE shows HIS love and gives me just want I need - the ones I need. How can I feel lonely when my life has so many amazing people in it / awesome male figures. I made a comment last week how I couldn't find any joy and now as I type this - I am full of joy, amazement and HIS love.

Thank you God for blessing my life and constantly amazing me. I pray that I remember more often to stop and see YOU and YOUR works.